Learning You
by writergirl96
Summary: Prequel to Crash Into You. Ash/Brad What happens when there's more to someone than you thought.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Kiss

I picked up the ends of my dress in my hands as I rush from the most beautiful wedding dance that there has been in Lexington, Kentucky in a very long time. The night air is cool on my bare skin as I try to see through my drunken state well enough to find my car.

It' has been a bad night. It had been going great, I'd been having fun until I looked up and saw the two blondes standing across the room. The site of them made me freeze and although I know all of the reasons why I still don't think to think about them. Mike had been my boyfriend of five years until he'd dumped me a month and a half ago. Breathing wasn't as easy as it used to be.

That was when I'd started drinking. I'd been trying hard to hide it from everyone, especially my parents who were watching me through disdainful eyes. I'd sneak a glass of champagne into the bathroom where I'd quickly downed it. Some old man next to me had turned his back for a mere second and I'd seen his glass of scotch just sitting there and I'd downed that, too. He'd looked confused when he'd turned around and found his glass empty but I'd just smiled and skirted away as gracefully as anyone could after ten glasses of champagne, one scotch, and three shots of tequila. Which was to say, not very gracefully.

Everything would have been just fine if Mike hadn't brought his sleazy new girlfriend here. Here, of all places! My own sister's wedding and there he is, standing across the dance floor from me with his arms wrapped around her. I could hardly stand the sight of them and I focused on my anger because that meant that the hole in my chest would be left alone for now. It meant that I wouldn't have a very messy and horrible break-down in front of all of these people.

"Ashleigh." I heard Caroline call to me and I tripped my way over to her. "How are you, sweetie?"

I reached for my eleventh glass of champagne and took a big swig. "Fine. Great. Fan-fucking-tastic."

"Ashleigh."

"What?" I said, looking over to glare at her through bleary eyes.

"Your drunk."

"I am not." Was I slurring? "I'm just enjoying a nice glass of champagne and my sister's beautiful wedding."

"If I thought you were actually enjoying yourself and getting drunk, I might not say anything but Ash, you look like hell. You've been hiding out in the bathroom anytime anyone tries to get you to dance with them and you won't stop drinking. You've swiped at least five drinks from other people."

Six. If you included this one. I didn't. "Caroline, I really do not want to talk about it." I said, shutting my eyes very tightly and feeling the hole in my chest burn around the edges.

"Sweetheart, it's okay to talk about it. You should talk about it. You guys were together for five years. You'd be crazy if you weren't hurting right now."

I could feel the hot swell of tears building behind my eyes and I was suddenly so angry. At myself. At him. At the stupid blond girl. "I'm not even okay yet and he already has someone else? How is that fair? What the hell does that say about us? Did I mean nothing to him?"

"Ash…" Caroline trailed off slightly and she was looking at me through sad blue eyes. I knew what she was thinking. Look at what a mess my baby sister has become.

I couldn't stand it.

I couldn't stand looking at them for one more minute. I couldn't stand being in this dress any longer. I needed to get out of here. I needed to go home, sleep this off, and wake up tomorrow with what ever dignity I had left. It wasn't much but it was something. Something that would maybe get me through tomorrow and maybe even the day after that. I wasn't sure how much longer I could do this.

I glanced over again at Mike and I saw him studying me through that blue-eyed gaze. His girlfriend was nowhere to be found and I could see the look in his eyes, telling me that I shouldn't be doing this. My hands tightened around my champagne glass, so tight that I was worried - and a little surprised - that I didn't break it. I lifted my chin slightly at him and hardened my hazel eyes, glaring at him as much as I could manage.

I could see that he was going to head towards me. I could see it and I couldn't handle it. Not here. Not when I was so drunk that my vision was blurring. Not with this loud music and these people who had been watching the both of us all night long. Waiting to see how we would interact with each other. Waiting, I was sure, for the big blow out that would come if he walked across this room to me now. Not even for the sake of Caroline's big day would I be able to stop myself from screaming at him for breaking another girl to my sister's wedding a month after we'd broken up.

That's when is saw Brad coming towards me. I was waiting for the sarcastic smirk I was sure would be on his face when he saw me and my bleary eyes. I'd seen him watching me, too over the course of the night. I was sure that he had seen me each and every time I'd snuck into the bathroom to gulp down a glass of champagne, snuck someone's drink and taken a quick shot.

The door was only ten or so feet away from me so I scooped up my dress and started heading for the door, not bothering to say good-bye to my parents or Caroline. I could hear Brad's footsteps quicken as he realized what I was about to do. I was sure that I'd shoved my key somewhere in my bra earlier tonight and I started to reach for it. I pulled out a couple dollars and a gum wrapper that I didn't remember putting there before finally finding the warm key and squeezing it tightly in my hands.

"Ashleigh!" I heard Brad shout to me as I finally got outside.

I didn't answer him, not in the mood to deal with him tonight, and quickened my pace. It didn't really work because I tripped on my dress and almost fell headfirst into a silver Mercedes. I managed to catch myself at the last minute and then I heard Brad running behind me.

"Stop." He said as he grabbed my arm firmly and stopping me completely with one steel grip. "What do you think your doing?"

"Driving home." I said. "Once I find my car." I scanned the parking lot for my gray Pontiac G6, not seeing it. Hadn't I parked close?

"The hell you are." He said. "I'll give you a ride home. It's not so far out of my way."

"No," I said slowly, to make sure he understand. "your not."

"Fifteen minutes in a car with me is much better than a few days in the hospital. Trust me." He was all charm and confidence now as he tightened his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and steering me towards his truck. "I'll even bring you back here in the morning, if you want."

"Brad, no." I said, trying to struggle out of his strong grasp. I could feel the muscles in his arms flex as he tightened his arms around me. I was practically immobile, except for him dragging me.

"Quit being so stubborn." He grunted as he continued to drag me on. When I hit him in his stomach he finally picked m up and tossed me over his shoulder. I could feel the world spinning and I really wasn't sure my stomach could handle being swung around like that. I tried to kick at him but he stopped my legs from moving. "Your crazy." He said angrily.

He set me down in front of the passenger door of his truck. His body was pressed against mine and I couldn't explain the tingly sensation that I suddenly felt everywhere. I turned my head to look up at his face, not realizing how close he was until his lips were right there. He was studying me intently with those blue eyes of his, the eyes that were nothing like Mike's. I had never kissed another man besides Mike, couldn't say I'd ever even honestly wanted to. But standing here with Brad, at four in the morning on my tired feet, I wanted him to kiss me. I didn't know why, maybe I was just using him as an excuse to forget about the pain for awhile, that hole in my chest that caused my heart to beat brokenly. Maybe I was tired of listening to the sound of it as I tried to fall asleep and I wanted to think about something else for awhile. So when Brad leaned his face towards mine, I let him. I could feel his cool breath on my cheek and I didn't care what the morning would bring. I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Ashleigh." he breathed as he tightened his grip around my waist and pushed my back farther against his cold pick-up truck. Then his lips were warm on mine, experimenting at first, lightly. Then as his arms tightened around me, I could feel the roughness of his lips and I was overwhelmed by all that I felt in that single moment. It had been awhile since I'd dared to feel anything at all and never had I felt anything that remotely resembled this.

I wrapped my arms tighter around him as I struggled to keep him close to me. My finger tied in with his hair as I pressed my body against his. I could feel the hardness of his body, the cold pick-up truck, the warmth of his arms and the effect was dizzying.

I couldn't breathe.

He pulled away then, suddenly and I found myself staring at him in shock. He didn't say anything to me as he opened the pick-up door and lifted me into the truck. Then he got in and turned the heat on full blast, looking over his shoulder as he backed out.

We didn't say anything to each other as we drove the fifteen minutes my parents house. He said nothing to me as I got out, fighting with my skirts the whole way. "Do you need a ride to your car in the morning?" he asked, not looking at me.

I felt the shame rise up on my cheeks as I shook my head. "No. I don't think so."

"Okay," he said and then his blue eyes flicked to my face hesitantly. "sleep well."

"Um," I stuttered for something to say to him. Thanks for the kiss? For the ride? Drive safe? None of them seemed appropriate so I finally settled for "thanks." and then I shut the door and ran the whole way to my house.

Only then did I hear him drive away.

*

Mike and I had started dating sophomore year, when I was fifteen. I'd met him at a basketball game and I'd slowly proceeded to fall in love with him over the next several months and over the next several year he had become so deeply imbedded in my life it was like losing an arm or a leg when he broke up with me.

Our relationship had been text book perfect. We went out on double dates, drinking one coke through two straws. We were joined at the hip, we'd taken things slow, really gotten to know each other before we'd even discussed Going All The Way. We could finish each other's sentences, we were interested in all of the same things, had much of the same line of thinking and maybe that's what was wrong with us. We never fought, had never hung up on each other or stormed out of the room furious over the last five years. We'd said our I love you's every singe night.

I'd wondered, I admit, if we were really meant to be or if every one else had just tricked us into thinking so since we were so obviously perfect together. I could see our life ahead of me in ten, fifteen years I couldn't say that it was a bad life. In fact, it was actually a pretty good one. But that hadn't changed anything. Maybe Mike had been just as scared as I was, that feeling of there was something more ahead of you. Something else, or maybe someone else.

So even though I was sure that I shared some of Mike's thoughts that had led him into breaking up with me, I couldn't forgive him yet. He'd hurt me bad. I could feel the hole in my chest laboring my breathing, digging in deeper and drawing out more blood - and pain - than I'd known I'd had.

And last night, when he'd brought that girl to my sister's wedding, something snapped inside of me. I'd been the good girl since we'd broken up. I hadn't screamed at him when he'd done it, though I'd wanted to. I'd calmly walked away and cried my guts out any chance I got. I was at workouts every morning, I walked right past him at the track. I'd even talked to him a few times. But none of that had changed the throbbing in my chest, the feeling that I couldn't even breathe anymore.

That he'd taken everything.

This had been going on for six weeks or so and I hadn't even talked to anyone about it. Anytime anyone asked, I'd just tell them that I was doing fine, I was getting through it. I never let anyone but me see my tears. I never let my mother or my sister or Samantha hold me while I cried. I did that in the privacy of my own bedroom, my parents just a handful of steps away as I let my sad heart find solace.

So when Brad had reached down and kissed me, when he'd put his hands against the small of my back and drawing me nearer to him, I hadn't been able to say no. I couldn't even honestly say that I'd wanted to say no. I'd been wondering what it would feel like, to have his lips press up against mine. I'd been wondering if it would feel as good as I was hoping it would. I was thinking that maybe it might numb the pain, just a little, for a moment or two. I was hoping with everything that I was, that he would give me something just for a second, that would get me through tonight.

But I hadn't expected for him to take my breath away like that. I hadn't expected the fierce need that had aroused itself in my chest as he'd wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I could hear my heart thrashing in my chest - finally not beating brokenly - and the sound of it made me dizzy. I couldn't feel the burning around the edges of the hole in my chest, I couldn't even feel the ache that was always there, somewhere underneath.

I had gotten much, much more than I'd bargained for last night.

*


	2. Conversation

Chapter Two

Conversation

I didn't even bother trying to get up for morning works the next day. Charlie had told me the day before not to worry about it, to enjoy my night and they'd handle it just fine without me. So I did. But it wasn't just because I was incredibly hung-over and embarrassed by my behavior, it was because I knew that I'd have to face Brad as soon as I set foot on Townsend Acres.

And I wasn't sure I was ready for that one yet.

I'd spent most of the night thinking about the way that he had looked at me just before he leaned down to press his lips to mine. There was no smug smirk on his face, no humor in his eyes, no sign of the Brad Townsend that I'd known and hated for the past eight years. There was nothing to show that he'd been trying to hurt me, or to get under my skin when he'd reached down and pulled me closer to him. I felt a shiver run down my spine as I remembered how his mouth had tasted on mine. I would never admit to anyone, I would never even tell anyone about the kiss, but I had never experienced anything like it in my entire life.

It was noon by the time that I woke up. The house was empty, except for me. I grabbed a pair of jeans from my closet and a tank-top before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. I spent a little extra time there, lingering, not looking forward to what I was about to do. I shaved my legs and washed my hair twice in an attempt to get all of the junk that the hairstylist had put in it last night. I let the hot water stream down the length of my body, untying the tight muscles in my neck and shoulders.

When I was done, I blow-dried my hair and applied a little make-up before getting dressed and reaching for my keys. That's when I remembered where my car was, at the dance hall. I sighed, trying to decide which of my parents I would ask to give me a ride. I was sure that neither one of them would be very happy about it and then I'd have to explain the whole Brad thing. Not good.

So I was extremely surprised when I walked outside and saw my car sitting there, exactly where I always parked. I walked to the driver's door and yanked it open to find a note taped to my steering wheel.

_I told you I'd get you your car. _

_-Brad_

I yanked off the piece of paper and shoved it in my center console. I started my car and sped out of the driveway. This had to be dealt with now. I couldn't have Brad Townsend of all people doing me little favors. I was not a mentally stable person right now. We had to get this kiss squared away, once and for all. It hadn't meant anything and more than that, it couldn't mean anything. I wasn't about to risk my heart again to anyone. Especially one of the most eligible bachelors in town.

I found him in the training barn, outside of Chasing You's stall. As soon as he saw me, he started smiling. This was going to be worse than I'd thought. Much, much worse. "I've been waiting for you all day. You know, your car really does drive nice. I might have to get me one of those. Even though you keep it a utter disaster."

I felt my face flush a little bit but I bit my tongue, determined to not him get to me. Last night had been enough. "Thank you for bringing me my car."

He raised an eyebrow, surprised at my diplomacy. "You're welcome."

"So that kiss didn't mean anything, right?" I wrung my hands together, nervously awaiting his answer.

"You feel guilty." His grin was smug as he opened the stall door and slipped on Chasing You's halter and reaching for a lead shank. His tone was a little mocking but it wasn't too mean so I let it go.

"I was drunk." I stated firmly, hoping he wouldn't notice the waver in my tone. "You took advantage of me. You're the one who should be feeling guilty."

He looked at me and smiled, this time a heartbreaker's smile. I couldn't believe the affect that it had on me in that one, single moment. I could feel my breath catch in my throat as our eyes met. He really was gorgeous. He was tall and lanky with just enough muscle in all the right places. He was strong, too. I had felt that last night when he'd picked me up, when he'd pressed his body to mine. I couldn't believe that I was thinking this right now.

He started to lead Chasing You out of his stall. "Why don't we," he paused, waiting patiently for me to reach his side, barely avoiding the young colt's hooves. "do something crazy."

"Crazy?" I frowned. This didn't sound good. It wasn't going like I'd planned it at all. "Like what?"

He was smiling again, and I could see the plan forming in his mind. "I bet that I can make you fall in love with me in one month."

"Brad, that's ridiculous. Completely insane. Why the hell would-"

He silenced me with a kiss. "It's just a bet. If I can't do it, I'll leave you alone. For good."

What else could I do but agree?

"I'll call you for our first date."

I noticed that a couple of people looked up when he said that. I blushed crimson and hurried away.

*

I could still remember the exact words that Mike had used when he broke up with me. Sometimes the words came back to me in the middle of the night, waking me up. Twisting deep into the holes that had eaten away at my heart. I could never really stop the memories and sometimes I just honestly did not have the strength to.

There were little bursts where the pain and his words that day would come up to me and knock me on my ass.

"_It just doesn't feel the same, Ash. It's like I don't even know you anymore. Like all of the fire and passion that held us together is just gone. And I just don't know if I can do this with you anymore." _

"_You're ending a five year relationship because there isn't any passion? Mike, every relationship goes through times like this. We can make it through, you can't end it now." I wasn't crying yet. It didn't seem real enough for me to cry. It felt like some horrible dream that I would wake up from. I would wake up. I had to._

"_You're telling me that you never question us? You never wonder if this is all?"_

_I couldn't say anything to that because I did wonder, I just knew that we had to make it. "I don't know who I am without you. You're everything to me." _

_He shook his head. "You will learn to be fine without me, Ash. You will. You just can't see it yet." _

"_So you're really going to do this? You're really going to say the hell with us? You won't get another chance, Mike. If you leave, that's it." I was shaking now but I still couldn't see how he could just walk away. I didn't see him capable of that. I just couldn't believe that this was really him doing this._

"_I'll love you forever, Ashleigh. You know that." He stepped towards me then and I honestly had hope in that moment that he would change his mind. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close one last time and pressed his lips to mine. I wrapped myself around him, begging him to stay. "But I just can't do this with you anymore. I'm sorry." He whispered in my ear. _

_And then he was gone. _

*

I had expected that Mike would avoid me after last night, or I at least hadn't expected that he would sought me out. So I was surprised when I pulled into my parent's driveway that night and I saw his truck sitting there, him waiting inside of it. He slowly got out as I shut off my car and sat there for a second, debating my options.

When I finally decided to get out, he smiled at me. "Ash, I've been waiting for you."

"So?" I said, shoving my keys in my back pocket and taking a few steps towards him.

"How've you been?" He was still smiling, although I am not sure why.

I folded my arms across my chest, narrowing my gaze considerably. "I've been great been great, Mike. Absolutely great."

He stopped smiling then and I'm not sure if he saw the flash of pain that I was sure entered my eyes. I wondered if he saw a glimpse, just the tiniest of glimpses at what everyday was like for me. How it felt when the one you loved for five years walked out on you. "Look, I just came to apologize for last night. I really shouldn't have brought Nicole to your sister's wedding last night. It was completely uncalled for and extremely inconsiderate of me."

Nicole? So the blond had a name. "What do you want me to say, Mike? I forgive you? I forgive you for breaking up with me, I forgive you for running out on me, I forgive you for bringing someone else to _my _sister's wedding?"

He moved his shoulders up and down, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I don't know, Ash."

"Because I can't say that yet."

He took a step towards me and I instinctively backed away. "I know that I hurt you. And I am so sorry about that." He took another step towards me and I flinched visibly, wrapping my arms around myself.

"I know that, Mike, I do." I finally managed to look up and meet his blue, blue eyes. "But do you really have to have already moved on? I mean, I'm barely grasping that we're over and there you are, holding her hand."

"Ash, it's not like that." He reached out for me then but I knew that I would break, literally break into little, tiny pieces if he touched me. I knew that I couldn't handle anymore.

"No, Mike." I took a deep breath, trying to pull my thoughts together. "I really can't do this with you. I don't need to know and more than that, I don't want to know. Just go, okay?"

He nodded, walked halfway to his pick-up, and then turned back to me. "Are you still going to ride Soda Pop on Saturday for me?"

Ah, the real reason he came over.

Honesty was so sweet.

"Yeah, I'll be there."

He smiled at me, one more time, sending the hole in my heart aching and throbbing. "See you later, Ashleigh."

Nicole. Nicole. Nicole. Nicole.

It had been so much better when I had not known her name.

*

I walked into the house and saw my mother sitting at the kitchen table. My mother is one of those women who is never still, she always has her hands in something, she's always doing something. So I was surprised that she just had cup of tea in front of her, her legs crossed in front of her.

I attempted a smile. "Waiting for me?" I asked her, shutting the door quietly behind me.

She seemed startled by my presence, although I was even more sure that she was waiting for me. "You're home early."

"Um, yeah. I just had to stop by Townsend Acres and talk to Brad quick." I slipped out of my shoes and walked across the cool kitchen tile to the table where I pulled out a chair and sat down.

"Yes," She said, and I immediately felt my stomach muscles tighten. "I saw him today when he dropped your car off." Her blue eyes turned up to meet mine and I swear I stopped breathing.

"Look, Ashleigh, I know that you're going through a hard time right now. I know that you're hurting and lost but sweetheart, this isn't the way to go about things. I saw you last night and I saw him last night. I know that it must've been hard for you to see him with someone else so soon after but it's not going to do anything for you. You were completely and utterly drunk last night, Ashleigh and I'm sorry, but that's not acceptable. There are other ways to deal with your problems."

I took a deep breath, surprised by the relief that I felt. "I know, Mom. I'm not proud of what I did last night." And I wasn't. Especially that last part of the evening.

She sighed, smiling at me. "Your going to be fine, Ash. You really are."

I squeezed my fingers together in my lap, biting my lip, already feeling the hot swell of tears behind my eyes. "Right now," Oh how I hated this. This constant crying. This never ending pain. "It really does not feel like it."

She reached forward and pulled my hands in to her. I had a flash of a memory, or rather lots of memories. My mother, with her familiar scent, tucking me in at night, making me chicken and dumpling soup when I was sick, soothing me whenever I was hurting. And I couldn't remember the last time that I was hurting this bad. Edgardale? But still, it was different.

"There was a boy when I was a little younger than you were. His name was Tom Hastings and I swore myself in love with him. He really was my first love. We weren't together as long as you and Mike were but I loved him so much. I imagined the two of us getting married and spending our lives together."

"You were in love with someone besides Dad?" I knew it was stupid of me to ask, of course my mother had a life before us and my father.

She laughed at me then, smoothing my hair. "Yes, I was. Head over heels in love. So naturally I was heartbroken when he ended it. There were days that I couldn't even find the strength to get out of bed in the morning. But everyday my mother would pull the sheets from over me, tell me it was going to be all right and I'd get up. On the really bad days, she would lay next to me and I remember just crying my heart out to her.

That's what I'll do with you, sweetheart. I promise you."

I blew out a deep breath. "How long did it take you? Before you were able to get out of bed all on your own, I mean."

"I think that she came in my room everyday for at least two months. But that didn't mean that it was over then, that I was just suddenly fine. That just meant that I could get out of bed. You never really get over your first love but that doesn't mean that there isn't room in your heart for more love. Look at your father and me, we've been married for over twenty-five years and I am so glad that Tom broke up with me because that means that I get to have you guys and him."

I nodded, looking down at my hands again. "I just never knew that it would be this hard."

"No one does. No one ever knows until they are in the middle of it. Otherwise, none of us would ever dare to fall in love. Just don't let love be ruined for you the next time around. Open up your heart."

For reasons unknown to me, I saw Brad's smiling face in my mind. "No chance of that happening anytime soon. I think that I will keep my hear to myself for a long while."

She laughed at me then, pushing herself up from the table. "Sometimes that's not such a bad idea. Care to help me with dinner?"

I nodded then, putting my hand in hers.


End file.
